What's in a Happy Marriage?

Is it the vasectomy? I think it might be.

Jul 11, 2025

It’s not that serious. Musings on wellness, fashion, motherhood, marriage and more from a 30-something on a mission to make a living having fun. Welcome to Ask Ashley.

Happy Thursday.

Jake and I have been on a really good streak lately. Like really good. For several weeks—maybe even months at this point?—now. And they say when something is going well in your life, you should keep track of it, you know, to keep the good vibes rolling.

So I’ve been taking mental note of how we’ve been interacting the last few weeks, taking into account our sex life, communication efforts and more, recounting steps of mutual love and understanding that only comes with the rigorousness of time, energy and money spent to keep a marriage strong.

For the Gen-Z fools reading this, marriage is no walk in the park. No matter how many couples breath-work retreats you attend and Feelings Circles you find yourselves in, you’re going to run into unpleasant tension and drama in your journey to Happily Ever After. It’s just the way the cookie crumbles.

Anyways. It’s summer, so everything is more carefree. Including my general attitude toward the world and treating every day like a pool-filled, wine-fueled holiday. Also, our three-year-old’s tantrums have decreased significantly, and our son has reached this pleasant level of maturity and confidence that has us both beaming with pride. Our baby is another story.

As any parent knows, when your kids hit this turning point from bothersome little hellion to upstanding individual, it sparks something in the relationship. A sort of We did this together type of bond and pat-pat on the back if you will, that just feels good.

In the bedroom (sorry mom, look away), things have been nice. Like right when we started dating nice. And I can’t help but credit his vasectomy to our afternoon (and evening and sometimes morning) romps. To not have the dread and worry in the back of my mind that I could potentially get pregnant is a serious game-changer. To be able to fully relax during sex in this way is something I haven’t felt for literally a decade.

So there’s that.

And then also on the summer front, I’m wearing less clothing around the house, which seems to ease the typical stressors of work, finances and home projects that swirl around in Jake’s mind 95 percent of the time. The other five percent is dedicated to golf.

This unusually long stretch of marital bliss has been on my mind since Spring I feel, so I point blank asked him one day in our kitchen last week:

“Why do you think we’ve been on such a good streak lately? It’s been like, really long, yeah? Mutual love, respect, and understanding of one another, perhaps?” I ask.

Long pause.

And then.

“Tequila.”

That was his response. Jake is a man of few words which usually pisses me off but in this case, it was funny, so I let it slide.

I couldn’t help but wonder, though…

What does it mean to be happily married, and once you’ve found the answer to that dark, ominous question, how do you make it stick?

I think it depends on the couple, but clearly the answer here is sex. We all know how simple (and simple-minded) men are. They need good food, good sex and in most men’s cases, weekend golf.

Thank you for reading.

Keep being you. A more carefree you.

Xo, Ash