How To Quiet Your Inner Mean Girl

Give her a name: "Back off, Marjorie." Here is your weekly roundup of Mental Health + Motherhood + Fashion + Identity

Welcome to The Roundup, a Monday series featuring THE BEST OF in Mental Health + Motherhood + Fashion + Identity.


Saturday was the International Day of Happiness, and, hallelujah, the first day of Spring! I played outside, I brunched, and it felt like vacation. The world is coming back, and I’m here for it. You should be too.

Today’s issue talks about:

  • How to quiet your inner mean girl (Mental Health)

  • Why being away from your kids is important (Motherhood)

  • Dressing for what’s next (Fashion)

  • What knowing your worth means (Identity)

Let’s hop to it.

Mental Health

How to quiet your inner mean girl: Who is she and why does she keep showing up?

Your inner mean girl is that voice who says things like, “You’re not ready for this. You’re not good enough. You don’t deserve that promotion, and you look terrible today.”

Barbara Markway, Ph.D., psychologist, and author of The Self-Confidence Workbook, suggests giving your inner mean girl a name (like Marjorie), and talking to her when she gets in your way: “Thanks for your concern, Marjorie, but I can handle this. And my ass looks great in these jeans.”

Being conscious of what you say to yourself is key as well. Dana-Maxx Pomerantz, founder of The Be Happy Project, advises us to take negative words like “can’t” and “don’t” out of our vocabulary, and get in the habit of reciting mantras like, “I am smart” and “I deserve money.”

Another tactic I’ve found effective (thanks to my Journalism professor) is to say the word “NO” as soon as your inner mean girl tries to creep in.

Back off, Marjorie.

Motherhood

Rebecca Minkoff says she needs to be away from her kids most of the day for the sake of her mental health. Her and I have this in common.

And it got me thinking about the unsolvable puzzle of “work-life balance” that mothers face daily. No matter what we do — work 10 hours per day or no hours per day — we’re burdened with guilt. Guilt about not being present for our kids enough, and guilt for not contributing to the workforce enough.

I have no solution for this — this is simply a think piece for you to chew on, but I would love your input. How do you lessen the mom guilt? Hit reply to this email and let me know your secrets.

Fashion

We’re a year into the pandemic, vaccines are happening, and we are ready to put the sweatpants away. Designers are taking notice of our need for normalcy, which is why so many brands are launching right now — despite the colossal number of store shutdowns.

We’ve been dressing only for ourselves for so long that “getting dressed” seems like somewhat of a foreign concept. This article, 5 Editors on the Outfits They’re Actually Wearing Right Now, will help you navigate how to ease back into dressing for the real world.

Also, if you’re feeling uninspired in your wardrobe right now, Sandrine Charles, Co-Founder of the Black In Fashion Council, reminds us that, “Where did you get that?!” remains the best compliment, and that word-of-mouth is SUPES important for designers. So if you love something, ask about it!

Identity

What does knowing your worth mean? Personal branding experts throw this term around a lot, and make it seem as attainable as a one-click Amazon purchase. But understanding things like knowing your worth and what success means to you aren’t simple questions with black & white answers — they’re lifelong pursuits, and they evolve as we get older (and wiser!)

In the most basic sense, knowing your worth means knowing your strengths and what you value — as a woman, as a partner, and as a business professional. What are your non-negotiables in money? Who would you be overjoyed to spend your days with? How do you want to spend your free time, and how you you are actually spending it?

While the concept of identity is complex, we tend to overcomplicate our lives. Ask yourself what your version of success looks like every day, and do your best to attain that. My version of success (if you’re curious) is waking up every day feeling energized and excited about what I’m going to do all day. To feel this way, key things have to happen:

  • A vigorous morning workout (preferably cycle)

  • A delicious latte

  • A head-to-toe look that makes me feel in charge, yet playful

  • A realistic checklist of what will get me closer to my career goals, and what will make me feel insanely proud of myself

Actionable Tip of the Week

Compliment someone today.

Thank you for reading today!

Let me know what you want to read about next. Send me your burning questions on life, love, self-care, happiness, and your mid-life crises, and I will help you navigate. I’m here for you today and every day.

Thank you for being here! We are in life together. Give the gift of mental health support by letting your friends know about the Take A Sip membership. They can subscribe here. I so appreciate each and every one of you :)

Be you.

Xo, Ashley

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