How To Enjoy (Not Despise) Your Marriage

It's easy to get married. Is it easy to stay married?

While I appreciate the intel of relationship experts I come across via intellectual articles, women’s magazines, and Instagram posts, sometimes we get the best advice from our friends.

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Before you read today’s issue!

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Happy Sunday.

It’s dark and dreary where I live, and I’m ready for Fall for 3 reasons: 1. Sweaters 2. Routine 3. Autumn salads.

If anyone has any good fiction recos, please do inform me of them. I’m sick of scrolling through my phone during boredom lulls, and need a good read to kick off the new season.

We talk a lot about new goals, new wardrobes, and new products that will make us pretty at the turn of new seasons. And while that’s all fine and dandy, it’s also tiring.

The truth is, I’m a little over self-improvement right now. If our relationships are what makes up the quality of our lives, why do we not talk about them? We have become so obsessed with improving ourselves that we are bordering on narcissistic behavior. And that is not a cute look.

Who we choose to marry is the most important decision we make in our lives. Better choose wisely.

I chatted with Shandean Reid, fellow millennial mom who lives in Jamaica, on how she keeps things fresh & fun with her man whilst parenting, working, and everything else required of adulting.

Earning the title of Author a few years ago from her debut erotic romance novel, The Dangerous Business of Pleasure, Shan writes about motherhood, self-care, and mental health on her lifestyle blog, recounting her personal experiences in the hopes of making other women like her feel seen, validated, and confident in their motherhood journeys.

Here is our convo…

What does a millennial marriage mean to you?

I think it means having it all. A rich, healthy relationship based on commitment, love and respect. Supporting our individuality as a team. Correcting ills or our own parents with our parenting styles and enjoying the heck out of our lives.

What is your favorite thing about being married? What is your least favorite thing about being married?

My favorite thing is that I never feel alone. Even if he’s super busy he’s always nearby, ready to support me. I also love that I feel safe to tell him anything, judgement free.

My least favorite thing is probably that, too — always wanting to include someone else in everything you do. Even when I try doing stuff without him, I rarely enjoy it because I want him included. Catch 22, you know?

What kind of date nights do you and your husband have?

Dinner/Lunch/Brunch. It’s always food or sex. That’s all we usually have time to do on our own. I think it’s because our daughter is still very young, so as soon as we get adventurous ideas, we want her in on it. 

I’m looking forward to doing more with just us, but for now, that’s all we’re set up for and we’re okay with it.

How do you keep your relationship fun? 

For us, we keep our friendship alive. Jokes, pics, memes, being weirdos together. We still DM each other on various platforms to laugh at or talk about posts together. Teasing. Even a little roughhousing sometimes. Naughty messages and pics, too.

I believe you're nicer to your partner when you're nice to yourself. What practices or routines do you have in place to keep your mental health spirits up? 

We’ve been keeping a marriage journal for a couple of years now. It helps us check in at the end of the month even when we haven’t had time to verbally check in.  

We also unload often. Talking openly and honestly about how things are affecting us, and being deliberate about decompressing when needed.

What advice do you have for women looking to spice up their marriages?

Do you really need spice? I mean, shaking things up is great, but I caution against chasing novelty. Remember seasons in marriage are perfectly normal and tend to rotate.

Shan, her husband, and daughter.

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Sip Sip is a weekly newsletter dedicated to making moms feel SEEN in the realm of mental health. As the editor, I’m committed to easing your mom woes — one newsletter at a time — through advice, lessons, and humor on how to live your (one and only) life right.

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Be you.

Xo, Ash