Don't Be A Loser, And Don't Be WITH A Loser

Stop taking yourself (and your relationship) so seriously.

Happy Sunday.

Whether you are wifed up, divorced, single, or dating, you can learn a thing or two from today’s interview guest because she’s funny and real — our favorite combo in a woman.

A Certified Life Coach, Susan Petang is teaching women how to attract their perfect partner through her consulting biz, The Quiet Zone Coaching. Her pitch? No More Losers: The Divorced Woman's Blueprint for Finding the Ideal Partner.

You help divorced women find their ideal partner. How do you help them increase their self-worth in the process?

An entire module of my program is dedicated to building self-esteem and self-confidence. It's the most important part of the entire course.

We discover what negative and irrational core beliefs you hold about yourself, your life, and your partnerships — and we work through them together. Then, we train your subconscious mind to bolster your self-worth with other exercises like positive self-talk and reframing.

You overcame depression and anxiety through a program you created, "The Quiet Zone Method." Can you tell us what that is, and how it helped you?

Yes! I suffered with Generalized Anxiety Disorder and Major Depressive Disorder my entire life. I had my first panic attack when I was in kindergarten, and still remember it all these years later.

Even though I went on antidepressants and had therapy, I still didn't feel happy. I was just existing. I realized the remaining problems all centered around my perception of life. The last step was to change the way I think to something more uplifting and positive.

I did lots of research and reading, and a ton of soul searching. The Quiet Zone Method was not only born, but proven from my own pain. I decided to share my knowledge with others who were suffering like I did — and it’s working.

What constitutes a “relationship loser?” What loser signs should women watch out for?

I use the term, "relationship loser" to describe anyone who is emotionally incapable or unwilling to have a healthy partnership with someone else. They might have poor self-esteem, or they might be looking for someone to finance their lifestyle.  Here are a few warning signs you might be dating a relationship loser:

  1. Everything is always about them and what they’re feeling, or what they want.

  2. Always disagreeing with others (being argumentative when they don’t need to be).

  3. Super focused about their looks, their clothes, etc. (to a crazy degree).

  4. Jealous and possessive.

  5. Controlling behavior.

  6. Nothing is ever their fault.

How can women attract the partner they want?

Since we attract what we send out, we want to make sure we're sending out healthy vibes. So defining our value system and making sure we live by it is the first step. The second is to live your life with an attitude of gratitude and positivity.

BE the person you want to SEE.

How do you keep your mental health in check every day? Any routines or rituals you swear by?

Absolutely. I meditate every day. That doesn't mean sitting in a corner and chanting "om" while dangling crystals over my head. It means taking your mind out of gear, not thinking, and just being, for 10 minutes a day.

That might be gazing at a lit candle, watching the birds at the feeder, listening to the rain, or closing my eyes and paying attention to how my hands feel. There are endless ways you can meditate.

I also practice mindfulness. Think about it…we spend 100% of our time on this planet, in this moment, right now. It makes sense not only to focus on that, but to find the positives in it. The past can't be changed, and the future may or may not happen the way we think it will, so it's just logical to stay in the present.

What advice would you give to women looking to keep their current relationships spicy?

I think one of the most important things (which has worked for my husband and me) is to laugh. Have inside jokes about things. Don't be afraid to be silly with each other. Find the ridiculousness in the news, in the world, in your lives. Laugh about it.

This is Susan, pictured above.

Sip Sip is a weekly newsletter dedicated to making moms feel SEEN in the realm of mental health. As the editor, I’m committed to easing your mom woes — one newsletter at a time — through advice, lessons, and humor on how to live your (one and only) life right.

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Be you.

Xo, Ash