Adopting Tara Schuster's Concept of "Pronoia" Has Given Me My Bad Bitch Confidence Back

Thank you T$ for reminding me I'm fabulous

Sip Sip is a weekly newsletter dedicated to making moms feel SEEN in the realm of mental health. As the editor, I’m committed to easing your mom woes — one newsletter at a time — through advice, lessons, and humor on how to live your life right.

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As women,

our confidence gets rocked by things like weight gain, relationship issues, and professional setbacks. In the moment, having an extra unwanted jiggle to our ass or slap on the wrist from our boss seems like the end of the world. Luckily, those “problems” are easily fixable — usually by a wine afternoon with girlfriends and some extra Pilates classes.

However, when our self-worth gets hit by something as big as shifting from woman to mom, it can feel impossible to climb out of the identity crisis that is new motherhood, especially when you’re in the thick of it.

THANKFULLY, I remembered a concept Tara taught me in her book, Buy Yourself The F*cking Lillies, all about acting like you are Capital-A Amazing from sun up to sun down — from wearing your black blazer and D&G sunglasses to tapping into your inner Goddess with candles and mantras — you walk around like everyone loves you (in a confident, not arrogant, way).

It sounds vain, but let me tell you from personal experience…it works.

Highly recommend picking up a copy and rereading as needed when that betch self-doubt starts creeping her way into your psyche.

What is…Pronoia?

In short, pronoia is the opposite of paranoia — aka instead of feeling fearful and anxious all day (usually about something stupid like worrying if someone likes you or not), you free yourself of that by exuding cool, calm, and confident vibes — no matter where you are, who you’re with, or what you are doing.

Tara explains it here in an excerpt from her book:

“Pronoia has been an INCREDIBLE tool for creating a more joyful life. It works. If you take for granted the fact that you are awesome and liked, you become a magnet, pulling people who are happy with themselves into your orbit.

There is something SO attractive about a person who not only believes they are fundamentally worthy but also sends that energy back out into the world. There is something SO alluring about someone who isn't trying to prove anything. And! It takes so much less energy than being paranoid.”

In essence, you shamelessly own who you are. You go about whatever life stage you're in with zest and vigor, no matter how messy it may feel. And if you're in a season that you are insanely proud of, you don't hide your accomplishments or excitement for fear of making others feel bad.

It's important to remember we are all an inspiration to someone.

Pronoia for the win

If you’re in a life rut or are looking for tangible ways to lean into your authenticity, conduct your own Pronoia experiment and reap the mood-boosting benefits for yourself. And do let me know how it goes.


Be you (a more bad bitch version of you).

Xo, Ash

If you’d like to support this newsletter further, that would be SO FABULOUS. Proceeds from memberships will go toward my clothing line, VALT, whose mission is to help moms reclaim their identity through fashion. You can get the full scoop here.

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