Happy Sunday.
I turned 33 last week and it felt…just like another day. BUT. I am a big birthday lover because birthdays are stupendous indicators of how things are going in the realm of, well, life. They are also an excellent excuse to glam yourself up and hit the town.
To be clear, “hit the town,” at 33, translates to a fancy dinner and request for new cutting boards. Maybe a massage if I’m lucky.
As I sit here with my coffee and procrastination hangover (perfectionist Virgos unite), I thought I’d impart some wisdom that’s been passed down to me over the last year via myself, my friends, and fabulous podcasts.
Starting your morning with meditation — instead of scrolling — is the secret to a blissful morning, and dare I say a blissful LIFE. While I have not been consistent with my a.m. meditation, on the mornings that I am, I feel lighter, more present, calmer, and better equipped to take on my day. I am also much less prone to snap. It’s one of those things that are “simple but not easy.”
Less screen time, more me time. Piggying back on the doom-scroll habit, just get off your phone more in general. I promise it will serve you well. Try a no-phone-at-dinner rule to start, then work your way up from there. The addiction we have to technology is honestly out of control. Set the trend. BE the trend.
Acknowledge that sometimes self-care is selfish. That doesn’t mean you should feel bad about self-caring your way to happiness — be it hiring a babysitter to come over while you get a massage or buying yourself something expensive simply because you feel you deserve it.
Self-improvement podcasts are great, but too much of a good thing really is a bad thing. Bettering thyself via habits, appearance, diet, etc. is healthy, yes. But when it turns to obsession, things can get out of hand. Be self-aware, and reel it in when you know you need a break from Gary V and his cult.
Quality over quantity when it comes to friendships. Good friends are like good wine. Hard to find treasures whom are meant to be treasured.
Quality over quantity when it comes to clothes. The 30s decade, I’m learning, is about evolving with grace. This goes for our personalities, perspective on issues we don’t understand, and most fun of all, our style. Experimenting with luxury fabrics, brands, and silhouettes that make you look sophisticated and on top of your sh*t is what style in your 30s is all about.
When someone asks if you want to meet in person or over zoom, always choose in-person. You have to drive an hour to do so? So what. We need to start living like in-person interactions are the norm, not the exception. Trust me when I say in-person meetups do you far more favors than any digital interaction can. Death to zoom.
Money isn’t dirty. Money is essential, and the more you make, the better off you’ll be.
Music is medicine. Blast it when you’re feeling off. It is uncanny what a good song can do for the mind.
Healthy food is medicine. Understand that the diet that works for your friend probably won’t work for you. There is no one-size-fits-all approach to dieting or wellness in general. Our bodies are DIFFERENT and take to different foods and means of exercise differently. Accept this instead of fighting it, and do what works for your body.
Be your own health advocate. If something feels off in your body but your doctor tells you it’s “normal,” or “nothing,” listen to your instincts over your doctor. They are not in your body. You are.
Rich chocolate cake is the cure to a bad day.
Good wine is the cure to a bad day. A glass, not a bottle. On that note, conduct your own experiments with different types of wine to understand what makes a great bottle of wine. It’s fun and it’s worth it.
When you get the invite to a housewarming party or neighborhood soirèe, always bring a thoughtful gift — like a nice bottle of wine or basket of homemade muffins.
Setting boundaries with people isn’t bitchy or self-serving — it’s smart. If responding to text messages spikes your cortisol, set aside a time that works for you to respond. And don’t apologize for it. Texts and calls are intrusions in your day, whether you’re working, spending time with your kids, or watching Sex And The City. Respond when you want to.
Only spend time with people you want to spend time with. Sounds like common sense, yes? But rarely do we follow it. Spending time with people who support you and celebrate you is the only way to live.
Remind yourself daily that you will die. As will your loved ones. If we accepted dying as the expectation that it is, instead of a surprise, we would all be better off. Clearly no one wants to think about this. It’s morbid. But it’s helpful when you’re caught in a petty argument or need reminding of what’s important in life.
When you find yourself second-guessing yourself on a career decision, always go with your gut.
When you find yourself second-guessing yourself on an outfit decision, always go with your gut.
Stop making the excuse that you don’t have enough time. It’s tiring. And it’s nothing more than an excuse. You have the time, you’re just using it poorly.
Book the girlfriend trip you and your high school friends always say you’ll book, but never do. Life is meant to be lived, not talked about.
Plan routine vacations with your husband. Even when the kids are young, even when money is tight, even when it “doesn’t feel like the right time.” Just do it.
Therapy can be life-changing. Highly recommend in times of mental breakdowns.
Libraries are lavish oases if you view them as such. Take advantage of your local libraries to get lost in the incredible world of murder mysteries and domestic thrillers. Imagination is good for the soul, and even better for the mind.
Don’t underestimate the classic movie and popcorn date. At the theatre I’m talking, not your living room.
Dinner dates are also nice go-tos, but can get REAL boring. Go dancing, play tennis, sign up for a 5K together, attend a cooking class. Variety is the spice of marriage.
When you meet someone for the first time, come at the interaction with curiosity instead of judgement. Think networking events, first client impressions, meeting moms on the playground, etc. Lead with kindness instead of insecurity.
When your kids are driving you crazy, call for help. Babysitter, partner, parents, neighbors, whomever you trust to give you a break from those hoodlums.
Give less of a sh*it about…everything. Worrying is stupid and an incredible waste of time and mental energy. When your mind is lighter, you are lighter. As Taylor Swift says, “you need to calm down.”
When you change your energy, you change your life. Wise words brought to you by one of Gwyneth’s woo wellness guests. Energy is everything, and you can’t have high, healthy energy unless you maintain the happy-healthy basics of everyday life — eating right, exercising, filling your mind with knowledge instead of garbage, hanging out with people who are feed your soul.
Get clear on your life mission and carry it out daily. Mine is to have fun. Everything else is honestly just noise.
Laughter is the cure to nearly everything. Especially arguments with your roommates.
Girls nights out are the cure to nearly everything. Have them often.
BONUS TIP. Being boring is the worst thing you can be. I read this in Sophia Amoruso’s book and I think about it all the time. No one wants to be around someone boring.
Thank you for reading!!!
Keep being you.
Xo, Ash
Happy 33.
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